3/9/10 (Day 2)
22:41, Rural homestay time
“You say you want a revolution, well you know – we all wanna change the world...”
-The Beatles
I can’t tell what’s safe and what’s unsafe here. We’re supposed to feel a little out of our comfort zones and yet not feel threatened. Well...how does one tell the difference? I mean...I’m afraid to go to sleep because it’s a home that’s so incredibly and deeply different from mine (both in Windhoek and NYC): Is that uncomfortable or threatened? I never feel like any of my stuff is safe, but only because for the past month or so it’s been under lock and key and that’s not true here: is that uncomfortable or threatening? I don’t know how to make myself clear and I never know what’s going on: Uncomfy or threatening?
Because I can see both sides for all questions...and yet I’m laying here totally exhausted by thinking and trekking and talking and LISTENING and learning and loving and laughing and teaching (we did English today!) and on top of it all I haven’t been home for longer than a month in about oh, just about half a year. Now, that’s not 1 year or 5 years or 10 years...but ‘member that time when the longest I’d been truly away from them was like a month and a half? ‘Member how that time was RIGHT before I left for PRAGUE in the Fall?!
I’m in such an awful mood because of this too. I’m snapping at everyone like a snapping turtle. It could be cuz everyone else is like, “I wanna stay here forever” or it’s that time in the trip (month) when people start grating on you. Anyway, hoping tomorrow will be better.
"Did somebody sit her down and say Claudia, get ready, to leave behind everything you know? Everything I know. What do I know?" - In The Heights
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Friday, March 5, 2010
Just a heads up...
For the next 3 weeks I will have very limited internet access. Sit tight: I will keep a journal. I will probs keep updating in the same fashion I have been on this blog (publish a WHOLE bunch at once!)
LOVE!
Holland
P.S. For those of you out there still 'staying tune; thanks for reading!!!!
LOVE!
Holland
P.S. For those of you out there still 'staying tune; thanks for reading!!!!
AIDS WALK NYC: Please please spon-sor-me!
Apparently, there are a lot of laws that aren’t being implemented. Children don’t know their rights, people with HIV or AIDs don’t know about their rights and they’re all being taken advantage of. Many are illiterate so when a doctor decides to ‘spay’ a woman who comes in for a normal test/procedure, he can sign away her right to have kids along with it.
The whites are now in the minority (though they’ve always been the numerical minority) and they’re ‘complaining’ that there aren’t enough of ‘them’ represented in parliament, or whatever. But they own the majority of the wealth and so they have power in that way. People are still cramped, there are no building codes and many children don’t have lights at night to do their homework.
I don’t know what the right answer is. I don’t know what the right thing to do is. For the first time in my life, I wanna go back to class. I wanna go back to America where we’ve got problems of our own. I don’t want to try to fix these problems out here anymore. It’s not my place.
And that's only part of why this year I'm very excited and pleased to announce that I'm writing for donations via my school's computer IN AFRICA! Not to Brag, but IT'S PRETTY DARN COOL!!!!
We arrived first in Johannesburg, South Africa, about a month ago...I mean, a month and half ago now. Wow. Okay, so we arrived in Jo'burg in the middle of January and immediately learned about the concept of UBUNTU: I am a human being because of other human beings. I walk in the way of all of humanity: we are all human, we are all living on earth, we are all part of something we can't quite explain but we are here. At the Human Genom Sequencing Project (where I met Desmond Tutu; no big deal) they said we are all African but in fact we are all Pangean. Welcome Home.
To give you the short version of my trip so far (and you can catch up with us in detail at cgenamibia.blogspot.com or my personal blog, acrabgolfin.blogspot.com): I remember the way our homestay families took us in as one of their own, with no signs of bitterness or anger. I remember the smiles and hugs from staff and students that went along with homesickness, happiness and learning about some really complicated history. I remember climbing Dune 7 and then the next day quadbiking over the same terrain and being so proud of myself for continuing, even when I felt frustrated or scared. And I remember thinking, throughout all of it, "Wow. This year's AIDS Walk is going to be profoundly different."
As many of you know because of recent emails, I'm interning here in Namibia with an organization called OYO: Ombetja Yehinga Organization. That is the Otijherero term for "Red Ribbon." I'm splitting my time between them and the AIDS Care Trust in Katutura. They've appointed me as the head of a new project at ACT: I'm going to create an Arts section for their afterschool program in Katatura. Along with this, I'm doing research about the sucess of arts programs for OYO's funding. I've been trying to learn more about fundraising because I know it's something I'm going to have to get really good at if I'm going to work in public service jobs (which, let's face it, that's just where I'm headed). Aaaaaand on that note...!
Let's put UBUNTU into action. Let's raise more money than ever this year. Let's make a difference all together.
Follow This Link to visit my personal web page OR click on the link to our group page, THE WOODEN SHOE and support the WHOLE GROUP!
******************************************************************************
Some email systems do not support the use of links and therefore this link may not appear to work. If so, copy and paste the following into your browser:
http://aidswalknewyork2010.kintera.org/faf/r.asp?t=4&i=331281&u=331281-72256885&e=3194974263
******************************************************************************
Thank you for supporting AIDS Walk New York and for helping to put an end to this epidemic.
The whites are now in the minority (though they’ve always been the numerical minority) and they’re ‘complaining’ that there aren’t enough of ‘them’ represented in parliament, or whatever. But they own the majority of the wealth and so they have power in that way. People are still cramped, there are no building codes and many children don’t have lights at night to do their homework.
I don’t know what the right answer is. I don’t know what the right thing to do is. For the first time in my life, I wanna go back to class. I wanna go back to America where we’ve got problems of our own. I don’t want to try to fix these problems out here anymore. It’s not my place.
And that's only part of why this year I'm very excited and pleased to announce that I'm writing for donations via my school's computer IN AFRICA! Not to Brag, but IT'S PRETTY DARN COOL!!!!
We arrived first in Johannesburg, South Africa, about a month ago...I mean, a month and half ago now. Wow. Okay, so we arrived in Jo'burg in the middle of January and immediately learned about the concept of UBUNTU: I am a human being because of other human beings. I walk in the way of all of humanity: we are all human, we are all living on earth, we are all part of something we can't quite explain but we are here. At the Human Genom Sequencing Project (where I met Desmond Tutu; no big deal) they said we are all African but in fact we are all Pangean. Welcome Home.
To give you the short version of my trip so far (and you can catch up with us in detail at cgenamibia.blogspot.com or my personal blog, acrabgolfin.blogspot.com): I remember the way our homestay families took us in as one of their own, with no signs of bitterness or anger. I remember the smiles and hugs from staff and students that went along with homesickness, happiness and learning about some really complicated history. I remember climbing Dune 7 and then the next day quadbiking over the same terrain and being so proud of myself for continuing, even when I felt frustrated or scared. And I remember thinking, throughout all of it, "Wow. This year's AIDS Walk is going to be profoundly different."
As many of you know because of recent emails, I'm interning here in Namibia with an organization called OYO: Ombetja Yehinga Organization. That is the Otijherero term for "Red Ribbon." I'm splitting my time between them and the AIDS Care Trust in Katutura. They've appointed me as the head of a new project at ACT: I'm going to create an Arts section for their afterschool program in Katatura. Along with this, I'm doing research about the sucess of arts programs for OYO's funding. I've been trying to learn more about fundraising because I know it's something I'm going to have to get really good at if I'm going to work in public service jobs (which, let's face it, that's just where I'm headed). Aaaaaand on that note...!
Let's put UBUNTU into action. Let's raise more money than ever this year. Let's make a difference all together.
Follow This Link to visit my personal web page OR click on the link to our group page, THE WOODEN SHOE and support the WHOLE GROUP!
******************************************************************************
Some email systems do not support the use of links and therefore this link may not appear to work. If so, copy and paste the following into your browser:
http://aidswalknewyork2010.kintera.org/faf/r.asp?t=4&i=331281&u=331281-72256885&e=3194974263
******************************************************************************
Thank you for supporting AIDS Walk New York and for helping to put an end to this epidemic.
Someone up there must like me...
Lessons Learned from the Year Abroad: In the best possible sense of the question, What the Fuck is My Life?!?
1. It takes energy to keep it positive so don’t expect everyone to do it.
2. My sexuality is mine and I don’t need to justify who I am
3. THE ONLY WAY OUT IS THROUGH
4. You don’t have to be nice all the time. It just doesn’t make sense to be mean.
5. IF YOU ARE AFRAID OF IT: DO IT.
3/4/10
When the going gets tough, the tough get tougher.
Well, when the going gets tough...I’ve notices...I want to run and hide.
Now, I haven’t this year. I really haven’t. As I’ve explained to multiple people this year, if I was afraid of challenges I wouldn’t be spending the whole year abroad – in TWO different places.
But, I’ve noticed that my absolute first instinct is to stop talking, shut down, cry in a dark place and try to smile about it afterwards.
Well, in a house of 17 people...that doesn’t really work. So, I’m...not running away. In fact, most of the time I run head first straight into the problem: the only way out is through. That’s a BIG lesson I’ve learned this year. The absolute ONLY way out is thru: one step at a time.
1. It takes energy to keep it positive so don’t expect everyone to do it.
2. My sexuality is mine and I don’t need to justify who I am
3. THE ONLY WAY OUT IS THROUGH
4. You don’t have to be nice all the time. It just doesn’t make sense to be mean.
5. IF YOU ARE AFRAID OF IT: DO IT.
3/4/10
When the going gets tough, the tough get tougher.
Well, when the going gets tough...I’ve notices...I want to run and hide.
Now, I haven’t this year. I really haven’t. As I’ve explained to multiple people this year, if I was afraid of challenges I wouldn’t be spending the whole year abroad – in TWO different places.
But, I’ve noticed that my absolute first instinct is to stop talking, shut down, cry in a dark place and try to smile about it afterwards.
Well, in a house of 17 people...that doesn’t really work. So, I’m...not running away. In fact, most of the time I run head first straight into the problem: the only way out is through. That’s a BIG lesson I’ve learned this year. The absolute ONLY way out is thru: one step at a time.
What a Weekend!
2/28/10
Okay. I don’t even know how to explain the Swakop weekend, so I’m just gonna start at the beginning.
The Beginning.
Okay.
So, we left on Wednesday. Um, I had just spoke to Laura on skype, which I loved but I realized it made me miss her more. Wednesday, I was barely ready and packed for leaving at 2pm. We start the drive and I’m almost sad to leave but I’m SO excited to go somewhere different!
We get there and immediately go to the beach which freaked me out because I LOVED it and I HATE beaches! It was a real beach though, with real sand and no glass or syringes. It was hard to explain to people who’d never been to Coney Island why I didn’t enjoy the beach so much.
We went out to dinner at this cute little place where we watched the sun go down and waited a long time for food. We wanted to drink wine on the beach but nothing was open by the time we left The Lighthouse. So we just went to the beach and hung out. I was still a little homesick over Laura and talked some peoples’ ears off about it.
The next morning we got an early start at 8am and went on a tour of the area as well as a couple of surrounding areas. We got to see the school named after our Politics professor, Urbanus B. Dax Primary School and had lunch there. We got to see Passat, our driver’s, house and that night we drank wine on the beach: BEST. IDEA. EVER.
Friday was a little later, 8:30am. The highlight of the speakrer, I think, were the people who showed us around the Fish Factory: hilarious women (one man)!!!!
Then.
We climbed.
DUNE 7.
Dune 7 is one of the highest sand dunes in the world. I didn’t think I was gonna make it to the top because as you climb sand, it comes back down on you. Well, I had a mini-breakdown (basically a little cry) over my body. I’ve definitely gained weight since I got here and I’m not eating as well as I should and we’ve barely had enough time to write our papers, let alone join a gym. So I sat on the top of the dune and cried about still hating my body, for still feeling last if I don’t deserve anyone or anything, all because I’m so incredibly fat (as if that matters to anyone or anything I want in my life!)
It was a good Moment, though, because it reminded me there’s still work to do and I have friends here who are willing and able to help me as I work on it!
Friday night we got Sushi and Cake and then went to bed.
SATURDAY!!!!
Ok, it started by getting up and going to DESERT EXPLORERS, where I QUADBIKED and SANDBOARDED. The quadbiking scared the crap out of me. The sandboarding scared me but it wasn’t as dangerous and I could take breaks in between as I climbed back up the dune to ride it down again. On the way back, we had to go fast because of what we were riding and I kept having trouble turning which kept scaring me and made out tour guide have to come back for me more than several times.
Finally, after almost crying and giving up (to which I said “No. Let’s keep going”), I realized that this was the Big Test of my confidence: “Don’t let the bike control you” our tour guide told me. This was the Moment – the crash course – of believing in myself and taking control of a situation that was overwhelming me. I stuck it out, the trail got a little easier and I screamed for Joy when we got back on the road to the Desert Explorers Headquarters. Had to buy the shirt. Had to get a beer with the crew after – the first sip was like heaven, like being reborn, like a whole new world, life being given to me. I was so happy to be alive.
We hung out at the beach after that, then we went to a restaurant for dinner, went out and partied as if we weren’t going home the next day.
YES YES YES! ASE! Oh baby bring it ALL to me!
Okay. I don’t even know how to explain the Swakop weekend, so I’m just gonna start at the beginning.
The Beginning.
Okay.
So, we left on Wednesday. Um, I had just spoke to Laura on skype, which I loved but I realized it made me miss her more. Wednesday, I was barely ready and packed for leaving at 2pm. We start the drive and I’m almost sad to leave but I’m SO excited to go somewhere different!
We get there and immediately go to the beach which freaked me out because I LOVED it and I HATE beaches! It was a real beach though, with real sand and no glass or syringes. It was hard to explain to people who’d never been to Coney Island why I didn’t enjoy the beach so much.
We went out to dinner at this cute little place where we watched the sun go down and waited a long time for food. We wanted to drink wine on the beach but nothing was open by the time we left The Lighthouse. So we just went to the beach and hung out. I was still a little homesick over Laura and talked some peoples’ ears off about it.
The next morning we got an early start at 8am and went on a tour of the area as well as a couple of surrounding areas. We got to see the school named after our Politics professor, Urbanus B. Dax Primary School and had lunch there. We got to see Passat, our driver’s, house and that night we drank wine on the beach: BEST. IDEA. EVER.
Friday was a little later, 8:30am. The highlight of the speakrer, I think, were the people who showed us around the Fish Factory: hilarious women (one man)!!!!
Then.
We climbed.
DUNE 7.
Dune 7 is one of the highest sand dunes in the world. I didn’t think I was gonna make it to the top because as you climb sand, it comes back down on you. Well, I had a mini-breakdown (basically a little cry) over my body. I’ve definitely gained weight since I got here and I’m not eating as well as I should and we’ve barely had enough time to write our papers, let alone join a gym. So I sat on the top of the dune and cried about still hating my body, for still feeling last if I don’t deserve anyone or anything, all because I’m so incredibly fat (as if that matters to anyone or anything I want in my life!)
It was a good Moment, though, because it reminded me there’s still work to do and I have friends here who are willing and able to help me as I work on it!
Friday night we got Sushi and Cake and then went to bed.
SATURDAY!!!!
Ok, it started by getting up and going to DESERT EXPLORERS, where I QUADBIKED and SANDBOARDED. The quadbiking scared the crap out of me. The sandboarding scared me but it wasn’t as dangerous and I could take breaks in between as I climbed back up the dune to ride it down again. On the way back, we had to go fast because of what we were riding and I kept having trouble turning which kept scaring me and made out tour guide have to come back for me more than several times.
Finally, after almost crying and giving up (to which I said “No. Let’s keep going”), I realized that this was the Big Test of my confidence: “Don’t let the bike control you” our tour guide told me. This was the Moment – the crash course – of believing in myself and taking control of a situation that was overwhelming me. I stuck it out, the trail got a little easier and I screamed for Joy when we got back on the road to the Desert Explorers Headquarters. Had to buy the shirt. Had to get a beer with the crew after – the first sip was like heaven, like being reborn, like a whole new world, life being given to me. I was so happy to be alive.
We hung out at the beach after that, then we went to a restaurant for dinner, went out and partied as if we weren’t going home the next day.
YES YES YES! ASE! Oh baby bring it ALL to me!
A Lil' Poetry
2/14/10
The choruses of “NARODNI TRIDA” still ring in my head. I wonder if “Ee-ya-ee-bumba-whey” will ring true this long.
The only thing now is truth. I have to be honest – to not be....
Last semester was a whirlwind of tears
This semester feels like it’s taken years
To get to.
And yet I’m still complaining
About this and that
Still looking in the mirror thinking
“God I look so fucking Fat.”
I’m still TALKING about the past. I still feel like it’s not
the Last.
I look at my future and I know what’s in store
But will it be amazing
Or will it be a bore?
[I’m still writing poetry a trait you might find
Comes naturally to people
Of my kind]
But I’m not so great at it
Like Hope or like Mina
It just is what it is
Writing verse is like ... eyugh!
It’s silly I know
To rhyme like I do
Aren’t I 20?
Isn’t it time for Anew?
Well I am in Africa.
That is a fact.
With a big sign saying
LOVE ME!
Displayed on my back.
I wish I knew the answer
I wish it were straight
But you know me
Always too many things on my plate.
The choruses of “NARODNI TRIDA” still ring in my head. I wonder if “Ee-ya-ee-bumba-whey” will ring true this long.
The only thing now is truth. I have to be honest – to not be....
Last semester was a whirlwind of tears
This semester feels like it’s taken years
To get to.
And yet I’m still complaining
About this and that
Still looking in the mirror thinking
“God I look so fucking Fat.”
I’m still TALKING about the past. I still feel like it’s not
the Last.
I look at my future and I know what’s in store
But will it be amazing
Or will it be a bore?
[I’m still writing poetry a trait you might find
Comes naturally to people
Of my kind]
But I’m not so great at it
Like Hope or like Mina
It just is what it is
Writing verse is like ... eyugh!
It’s silly I know
To rhyme like I do
Aren’t I 20?
Isn’t it time for Anew?
Well I am in Africa.
That is a fact.
With a big sign saying
LOVE ME!
Displayed on my back.
I wish I knew the answer
I wish it were straight
But you know me
Always too many things on my plate.
It's that time...
2/12/10
Thank the Lord and all the Spirits watching over me! I am not going crazy I just got my period!!!!!!!
It means so much more than getting my period because what it means is that this ssemester is ENTIRELY different than last semester. It means I’ve let go. It means no more 3-month stress gaps between periods! It means I’m Breathing. It means I’m Loving. It means I’m GROWING! I’m becoming a bigger, badder, more comfortable me!
There are no words to explain how happy this makes me.
Thank the Lord and all the Spirits watching over me! I am not going crazy I just got my period!!!!!!!
It means so much more than getting my period because what it means is that this ssemester is ENTIRELY different than last semester. It means I’ve let go. It means no more 3-month stress gaps between periods! It means I’m Breathing. It means I’m Loving. It means I’m GROWING! I’m becoming a bigger, badder, more comfortable me!
There are no words to explain how happy this makes me.
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