[We can laugh at things now
the painful, the awful, the insecure.
We an laugh about it now.
Whether it took us 8 hours or 8 years to get over
Whether it was something big or something small
We can laugh about it all
We can laugh about it now.
There’s something to laughing
that makes us feel better
A jolly, breathy act of releasing
any unhappiness into the ether
We can laugh at things now
no matter what they were
and even if you’re still holding onto it
you’ll laugh if someone else does
cuz
We can laugh about it now.]
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
You have to climb the mountain to see the view
“You can’t take enough pictures and
you can’t write enough words and
you can’t get enough facebook friends to fight the fact that it’s over.
To combat the sadness that it’s over.” – Holland
“Here’s my advice to you…keep taking deep breaths and know that it IS going to be okay.” – Heather H.
June 1, 2010
Around midnite, Alaskan Time
Okay, here it comes kids. The Big Bad Entry about Missing.
Not adjective, not the state of being. The act of - the verb of - missing the nouns: people, places and things.
Usually, when I leave somewhere that’s not home, I don’t feel this ache, this desperate desire to run back. I’m not sure why it was AK. I mean, the timing is tough because I traveled up here at the end of a HUGE year. A year full of self-growth and all that that entails. I haven’t been home for a full month in about a year and all I can think on this plane is…I don’t wanna go home. I don’t wanna end this journey.
I can already hear that voice from inside the depths of my soul saying, “this journey is SO not over. Oh my Goddess, it’s SO just beginning.” Yeah, I know. But for one chapter to start, the older one has to end.
This chapter has been uproarious and also difficult. It’s pushed and pulled at everything I thought I was and also things I still am. It’s made me think. And rethink. And dismantle. And rethink again on my future as a part o the human population, as a girl really beginning to become an adult.
I Loved Alaska. I really did. The only reason I became sad there at times was because I couldn’t believe how immensely fortunate I was to be there, spending time with two amazing women.
For the first time in my entire life, I saw a city, or rather a town-like City, that I felt I could actually live in besides New York City, besides Manhattan, besides midtown.
For the first time I realized what it means to be mature beyond my years – hanging out with people in their 30s and 40s felt so easy and natural to me.
I’m missing AK.
I’m missing Africa.
I’m missing Prague.
I’m missing endless freedom and possibilities. I’m missing independence.
I’m Missing.
“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll still land among the stars.” - Unknown
you can’t write enough words and
you can’t get enough facebook friends to fight the fact that it’s over.
To combat the sadness that it’s over.” – Holland
“Here’s my advice to you…keep taking deep breaths and know that it IS going to be okay.” – Heather H.
June 1, 2010
Around midnite, Alaskan Time
Okay, here it comes kids. The Big Bad Entry about Missing.
Not adjective, not the state of being. The act of - the verb of - missing the nouns: people, places and things.
Usually, when I leave somewhere that’s not home, I don’t feel this ache, this desperate desire to run back. I’m not sure why it was AK. I mean, the timing is tough because I traveled up here at the end of a HUGE year. A year full of self-growth and all that that entails. I haven’t been home for a full month in about a year and all I can think on this plane is…I don’t wanna go home. I don’t wanna end this journey.
I can already hear that voice from inside the depths of my soul saying, “this journey is SO not over. Oh my Goddess, it’s SO just beginning.” Yeah, I know. But for one chapter to start, the older one has to end.
This chapter has been uproarious and also difficult. It’s pushed and pulled at everything I thought I was and also things I still am. It’s made me think. And rethink. And dismantle. And rethink again on my future as a part o the human population, as a girl really beginning to become an adult.
I Loved Alaska. I really did. The only reason I became sad there at times was because I couldn’t believe how immensely fortunate I was to be there, spending time with two amazing women.
For the first time in my entire life, I saw a city, or rather a town-like City, that I felt I could actually live in besides New York City, besides Manhattan, besides midtown.
For the first time I realized what it means to be mature beyond my years – hanging out with people in their 30s and 40s felt so easy and natural to me.
I’m missing AK.
I’m missing Africa.
I’m missing Prague.
I’m missing endless freedom and possibilities. I’m missing independence.
I’m Missing.
“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll still land among the stars.” - Unknown
You have the Privilege
You have the privilege
To walk down the street
Without being accosted by people
You don’t want attention from.
You have the right to
Walk the way you do
And talk your talk
Because of millions of WOMEN who have kept silent.
You can sit there and think that you’re doing everything right because some people are acting subordinately.
You are blind.
You think that you have the right
That it’s okay to look me in the face
And say that you don’t want to go.
You don’t want to be hit on.
Sure, I'm privileged too. I can hide. I can turn away. I can fake it till I make it.
I'm conscious of that.
Do you even think about
How many places only a select group of people can express themselves?
How many symbols of freedom are burned?
Do you know about the hatred, the isolation, the pain the raw and the ugly?
So as you sit there - privileged as you are - think about the fact that you don’t want to spend ONE night in a place that for ONE night will allow for a little balance in the world.
Remember that the next time someone asks you about
PRIVILEGE.
“Stagnant power, without motion, will never move mountains.” - HRH
“It’s sad
the situation is so bad
that when we meet
in this dark street
we size
each other up
with cautious, questioning eyes.” – Peter E. Clarke
To walk down the street
Without being accosted by people
You don’t want attention from.
You have the right to
Walk the way you do
And talk your talk
Because of millions of WOMEN who have kept silent.
You can sit there and think that you’re doing everything right because some people are acting subordinately.
You are blind.
You think that you have the right
That it’s okay to look me in the face
And say that you don’t want to go.
You don’t want to be hit on.
Sure, I'm privileged too. I can hide. I can turn away. I can fake it till I make it.
I'm conscious of that.
Do you even think about
How many places only a select group of people can express themselves?
How many symbols of freedom are burned?
Do you know about the hatred, the isolation, the pain the raw and the ugly?
So as you sit there - privileged as you are - think about the fact that you don’t want to spend ONE night in a place that for ONE night will allow for a little balance in the world.
Remember that the next time someone asks you about
PRIVILEGE.
“Stagnant power, without motion, will never move mountains.” - HRH
“It’s sad
the situation is so bad
that when we meet
in this dark street
we size
each other up
with cautious, questioning eyes.” – Peter E. Clarke
Learning is Learning.
5/3/10
I wonder why my trip to Terezin was so much different. In my mind, the layout is incredibly similar. I suppose there’s something about a guided tour with 25-some-odd other people and walking through something by yourself.
Plus, I don’t understand the Reconciliation.
Had I been a prisoner there, there would be no way I could ever come back here. I don’t understand how you can enter a place with such revolutionary fury, meet others with the same passion and come out forgiving those who put you there. I suppose it’s like the movies – with slightly less eloquent words. But I can’t understand how people come here with their Gucci bags and think, “I’m having an experience.” That’s not the way EXPERIENCES are made. That’s not what EXPERIENCES are about – that’s not how you change.
People were locked up here, 30 seconds from the coast – a coast that, from the other side is filled with city life – and they were told No. and thery were told Stop. And they were fenced in and held back and the most simple freedom of listening to the waves and getting inspired and Breathing for a couple minutes was taken away from them.
Talk about stress.
I wonder why my trip to Terezin was so much different. In my mind, the layout is incredibly similar. I suppose there’s something about a guided tour with 25-some-odd other people and walking through something by yourself.
Plus, I don’t understand the Reconciliation.
Had I been a prisoner there, there would be no way I could ever come back here. I don’t understand how you can enter a place with such revolutionary fury, meet others with the same passion and come out forgiving those who put you there. I suppose it’s like the movies – with slightly less eloquent words. But I can’t understand how people come here with their Gucci bags and think, “I’m having an experience.” That’s not the way EXPERIENCES are made. That’s not what EXPERIENCES are about – that’s not how you change.
People were locked up here, 30 seconds from the coast – a coast that, from the other side is filled with city life – and they were told No. and thery were told Stop. And they were fenced in and held back and the most simple freedom of listening to the waves and getting inspired and Breathing for a couple minutes was taken away from them.
Talk about stress.
There are seashells on Robben Island
“They sell tea and coffee for breaks and you can use the bathroom if you wish. Do not waste time, though. You only have five minutes” – Holland Hamilton
There are seashells on the ground at Robben Island
And the smells of fresh sea air waft through the open windows of our comfortable tour bus
We hear the comforting South African accent of our tour guide as we press our small flash buttons and our on/off switches.
To take pictures
of a graveyard.
A graveyard for people we will never know.
In the movies and on TV they make it look like there was color here
They bring out the sunlight and the thick black roads but
when you’re riding in a loud,
obnoxious
motorized vehicle
the sight of a cold, dark and lonely bed
and the yelling of someone else’s private tour guide telling you to get out
only inspires the tiniest spark of an idea
for a play
that’s probably already been written.
“Most people will find the following very hard to believe, Holland, but, there is nothing, ever, worth being unhappy about.
Because no matter what happens, it will add to you” - The Universe
There are seashells on the ground at Robben Island
And the smells of fresh sea air waft through the open windows of our comfortable tour bus
We hear the comforting South African accent of our tour guide as we press our small flash buttons and our on/off switches.
To take pictures
of a graveyard.
A graveyard for people we will never know.
In the movies and on TV they make it look like there was color here
They bring out the sunlight and the thick black roads but
when you’re riding in a loud,
obnoxious
motorized vehicle
the sight of a cold, dark and lonely bed
and the yelling of someone else’s private tour guide telling you to get out
only inspires the tiniest spark of an idea
for a play
that’s probably already been written.
“Most people will find the following very hard to believe, Holland, but, there is nothing, ever, worth being unhappy about.
Because no matter what happens, it will add to you” - The Universe
Surrender, yet prepare. Ask, yet expect. (Universe)
Remember: you’re in Africa. When you stop and take a breath, you can see the whole picture. – Holland
4/23/10
So, a year abroad. I’ve been to many places, I’ve met so many people, I’ve eaten foods that I never thought I would and I’ve experienced some amazing cultural things that I can’t even describe.
So, the question is: What am I going to do differently when I go home? Is anything going to change? Is a year long enough to do some good?
Well, now it’s a fantastic time for A. LIST!
Here are some of the things I want to do when I get back home:
KEEP UP THE CONFIDENCE
I may have gone up and down about weight and Love, but essentially, I kept Loving myself and kept giving myself the Benny 5. I allowed myself to get carried away and just push through the shitty times. My advice to myself is: know they won’t last forever. You don’t need to take every single thing anyone says to heart: remember to look at the underlying conditions and, most importantly, the things people say and who they are are two completely different things. If you can separate them and recognize ‘this person is making me feel this way right now but that doesn’t make them a terrible person and I have Love for them anyway’…if you can do that, your own self-confidence will grow and your Self-Love will grow.
DO NOT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ANYTHING YOU EAT OR DRINK
NYC is a metropolis. Millions of people live there and millions of people would kill to live there. Do not rush your food. Try new foods – EVERY CHANCE YOU GET. Don’t think that not eating meat should keep you from experiencing other cultures’ foods.
You are so lucky to have zillions of options for what to eat and you can choose to eat healthy or not, but either way – enjoy every single minute of your eating experience. DO NOT TAKE IT FOR GRANTED.
TRAVEL!
Home will be there and will get even better every time you return. You’ve only got this time with these people in this specific life, so stop worrying about money and JUST. GO.
And. Get to know your own country! Yes, the world abroad is fascinating and many times completely different, but you’ve only been to about 10 or possibly less of the 50 states that YOU LIVE IN!!!!!
DON’T FORGET TO DO SOMETHING GOOD FOR YOURSELF. Today.
Not tomorrow. Not the next time you get a chance. TO.DAY.
“Once you see more, you can’t stop seeing more” – Linda Raven
"Education is not filling a bucket, but lighting a fire" - William Yeats
4/23/10
So, a year abroad. I’ve been to many places, I’ve met so many people, I’ve eaten foods that I never thought I would and I’ve experienced some amazing cultural things that I can’t even describe.
So, the question is: What am I going to do differently when I go home? Is anything going to change? Is a year long enough to do some good?
Well, now it’s a fantastic time for A. LIST!
Here are some of the things I want to do when I get back home:
KEEP UP THE CONFIDENCE
I may have gone up and down about weight and Love, but essentially, I kept Loving myself and kept giving myself the Benny 5. I allowed myself to get carried away and just push through the shitty times. My advice to myself is: know they won’t last forever. You don’t need to take every single thing anyone says to heart: remember to look at the underlying conditions and, most importantly, the things people say and who they are are two completely different things. If you can separate them and recognize ‘this person is making me feel this way right now but that doesn’t make them a terrible person and I have Love for them anyway’…if you can do that, your own self-confidence will grow and your Self-Love will grow.
DO NOT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ANYTHING YOU EAT OR DRINK
NYC is a metropolis. Millions of people live there and millions of people would kill to live there. Do not rush your food. Try new foods – EVERY CHANCE YOU GET. Don’t think that not eating meat should keep you from experiencing other cultures’ foods.
You are so lucky to have zillions of options for what to eat and you can choose to eat healthy or not, but either way – enjoy every single minute of your eating experience. DO NOT TAKE IT FOR GRANTED.
TRAVEL!
Home will be there and will get even better every time you return. You’ve only got this time with these people in this specific life, so stop worrying about money and JUST. GO.
And. Get to know your own country! Yes, the world abroad is fascinating and many times completely different, but you’ve only been to about 10 or possibly less of the 50 states that YOU LIVE IN!!!!!
DON’T FORGET TO DO SOMETHING GOOD FOR YOURSELF. Today.
Not tomorrow. Not the next time you get a chance. TO.DAY.
“Once you see more, you can’t stop seeing more” – Linda Raven
"Education is not filling a bucket, but lighting a fire" - William Yeats
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Rain That's Needed
"Be the Love, Holland, you wish to see in the world. Turn it up," - The Universe
"Sometimes rain that's needed falls" - The Weepies
4/23/10 Noonish, Habitat Place
So, a year abroad. I've been to so many places, I've met so many people, I've eaten foods that I never thought I would eat and I've expereienced some amazing cultural differences that have changed me in ways I can't even begin to describe.
So, the question is: what amI going to do differently when I go home? Is anything going to change? Is a year long enough to do some lasting good?
Well, now is a fantastic time for A. LIST!
Here are some of the things I want to do when I get back home:
KEEP UP THE CONFIDENCE
I may have gone up and down about weight and Love but essentially I kept loving myself, I kept giving myself the Benny 5, I kept trusting that I'd be all right - though, in all honesty I had to if I didn't want to spend thousands of dollars on an earlier flight home.
I allowed myself to get carried awayand just pushed thruthe shitty times. So, my advice to myself is as such: just know that shitty times won't last forever. Neither will good times.
I've learned that I don't need to take every single thing anyone says to heart and I've learned to look at the underlying conditions surrounding what they do chose to say. Most importantly: the things someone says and who they are as an individual are two completely different things. If you can separate them and recognize 'this person is making me feel this way right now but that doesn't make them a terrible person and I have Love for them anyway.' ...if you can do that your own self-confidene will grow and you will ahve more Love and Patience for yourself as well.
DO NOT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ANYTHING YOU EAT OR DRINK
NYC is a metropolis. Millions of people live there and millions would kill to live there. Do not rush your food. Try new foods - EVERY CHANCE YOU GET. Don't think that not eating meat should keep you from experiencing other cultures' foods.
You are so lucky to have zillions of options for what to eat and you can chose to eat healthy or not, but either way - enjoy every single minute of your eating experience. DO NOT TAKE FOOD OR DRINK FOR GRANTED.
TRAVEL!
Home will be there and will get even better every time you return. You've oinly got this time with these people in this specific life, so stop worrying about money and JUST. GO.
And: get to know your OWN DAMN COUNTRY. Yes, the world abroad is fascinating and many times completely different but you've only been to about 10 or possibly less of the states that YOU LIVE IN!
DON'T FORGET TO DO SOMETHING GOOD FOR YOURSELF. TODAY.
You Love doing things for other people. There's no denying that that's a good thing for them and for you. But please remember that 'you time' is not optional. It's not selfish, it's not bad and it doesn't have to be all the time. Just try to find one little thing every day that you can celebrate for yourself. Hell, celebrate yourself. Have a piece of pie, take a catnap, sing...just do something you enjoy and that makes you feel good. Once a day - it's just what the doctor ordered.
DON'T BE AFRAID TO EMBRACE YOUR WILDEST PASSIONS
Go to beauty school, make the movie you've always wanted to make about body image, spend 2 years at LLAMDA, get off your ass and DO something about not having ur driver's liscence, teach, go on auditions, direct even though it scares you, bartend because you know you want to, screw people who say waiting tables sucks do it because you love people, go to law school even if you think you're not smart enough or because you don't neccesarily want to be a lawyer, design clothing, drive a bus, DANCE...
You have so many different passions, and as this year has evidenced clearly, even if you're not sure you want to do it, the experience of doing it - even for a little while - can change. your. life.
This summer is officially the SUMMER OF SELF-LOVE. And after this year, I'm pretty sure I have the tools to finally work that LIKE. NO. OTHER!
"...if the big picture is rocking you, Holland, why make a fuss over a few splots? Splots is now a word. Literally, as in now now." - The Universe
"Sometimes rain that's needed falls" - The Weepies
4/23/10 Noonish, Habitat Place
So, a year abroad. I've been to so many places, I've met so many people, I've eaten foods that I never thought I would eat and I've expereienced some amazing cultural differences that have changed me in ways I can't even begin to describe.
So, the question is: what amI going to do differently when I go home? Is anything going to change? Is a year long enough to do some lasting good?
Well, now is a fantastic time for A. LIST!
Here are some of the things I want to do when I get back home:
KEEP UP THE CONFIDENCE
I may have gone up and down about weight and Love but essentially I kept loving myself, I kept giving myself the Benny 5, I kept trusting that I'd be all right - though, in all honesty I had to if I didn't want to spend thousands of dollars on an earlier flight home.
I allowed myself to get carried awayand just pushed thruthe shitty times. So, my advice to myself is as such: just know that shitty times won't last forever. Neither will good times.
I've learned that I don't need to take every single thing anyone says to heart and I've learned to look at the underlying conditions surrounding what they do chose to say. Most importantly: the things someone says and who they are as an individual are two completely different things. If you can separate them and recognize 'this person is making me feel this way right now but that doesn't make them a terrible person and I have Love for them anyway.' ...if you can do that your own self-confidene will grow and you will ahve more Love and Patience for yourself as well.
DO NOT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ANYTHING YOU EAT OR DRINK
NYC is a metropolis. Millions of people live there and millions would kill to live there. Do not rush your food. Try new foods - EVERY CHANCE YOU GET. Don't think that not eating meat should keep you from experiencing other cultures' foods.
You are so lucky to have zillions of options for what to eat and you can chose to eat healthy or not, but either way - enjoy every single minute of your eating experience. DO NOT TAKE FOOD OR DRINK FOR GRANTED.
TRAVEL!
Home will be there and will get even better every time you return. You've oinly got this time with these people in this specific life, so stop worrying about money and JUST. GO.
And: get to know your OWN DAMN COUNTRY. Yes, the world abroad is fascinating and many times completely different but you've only been to about 10 or possibly less of the states that YOU LIVE IN!
DON'T FORGET TO DO SOMETHING GOOD FOR YOURSELF. TODAY.
You Love doing things for other people. There's no denying that that's a good thing for them and for you. But please remember that 'you time' is not optional. It's not selfish, it's not bad and it doesn't have to be all the time. Just try to find one little thing every day that you can celebrate for yourself. Hell, celebrate yourself. Have a piece of pie, take a catnap, sing...just do something you enjoy and that makes you feel good. Once a day - it's just what the doctor ordered.
DON'T BE AFRAID TO EMBRACE YOUR WILDEST PASSIONS
Go to beauty school, make the movie you've always wanted to make about body image, spend 2 years at LLAMDA, get off your ass and DO something about not having ur driver's liscence, teach, go on auditions, direct even though it scares you, bartend because you know you want to, screw people who say waiting tables sucks do it because you love people, go to law school even if you think you're not smart enough or because you don't neccesarily want to be a lawyer, design clothing, drive a bus, DANCE...
You have so many different passions, and as this year has evidenced clearly, even if you're not sure you want to do it, the experience of doing it - even for a little while - can change. your. life.
This summer is officially the SUMMER OF SELF-LOVE. And after this year, I'm pretty sure I have the tools to finally work that LIKE. NO. OTHER!
"...if the big picture is rocking you, Holland, why make a fuss over a few splots? Splots is now a word. Literally, as in now now." - The Universe
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