Rain That's Needed

"Be the Love, Holland, you wish to see in the world. Turn it up," - The Universe

"Sometimes rain that's needed falls" - The Weepies

4/23/10 Noonish, Habitat Place

So, a year abroad. I've been to so many places, I've met so many people, I've eaten foods that I never thought I would eat and I've expereienced some amazing cultural differences that have changed me in ways I can't even begin to describe.

So, the question is: what amI going to do differently when I go home? Is anything going to change? Is a year long enough to do some lasting good?

Well, now is a fantastic time for A. LIST!

Here are some of the things I want to do when I get back home:

KEEP UP THE CONFIDENCE

I may have gone up and down about weight and Love but essentially I kept loving myself, I kept giving myself the Benny 5, I kept trusting that I'd be all right - though, in all honesty I had to if I didn't want to spend thousands of dollars on an earlier flight home.

I allowed myself to get carried awayand just pushed thruthe shitty times. So, my advice to myself is as such: just know that shitty times won't last forever. Neither will good times.

I've learned that I don't need to take every single thing anyone says to heart and I've learned to look at the underlying conditions surrounding what they do chose to say. Most importantly: the things someone says and who they are as an individual are two completely different things. If you can separate them and recognize 'this person is making me feel this way right now but that doesn't make them a terrible person and I have Love for them anyway.' ...if you can do that your own self-confidene will grow and you will ahve more Love and Patience for yourself as well.

DO NOT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ANYTHING YOU EAT OR DRINK

NYC is a metropolis. Millions of people live there and millions would kill to live there. Do not rush your food. Try new foods - EVERY CHANCE YOU GET. Don't think that not eating meat should keep you from experiencing other cultures' foods.

You are so lucky to have zillions of options for what to eat and you can chose to eat healthy or not, but either way - enjoy every single minute of your eating experience. DO NOT TAKE FOOD OR DRINK FOR GRANTED.

TRAVEL!

Home will be there and will get even better every time you return. You've oinly got this time with these people in this specific life, so stop worrying about money and JUST. GO.

And: get to know your OWN DAMN COUNTRY. Yes, the world abroad is fascinating and many times completely different but you've only been to about 10 or possibly less of the states that YOU LIVE IN!

DON'T FORGET TO DO SOMETHING GOOD FOR YOURSELF. TODAY.

You Love doing things for other people. There's no denying that that's a good thing for them and for you. But please remember that 'you time' is not optional. It's not selfish, it's not bad and it doesn't have to be all the time. Just try to find one little thing every day that you can celebrate for yourself. Hell, celebrate yourself. Have a piece of pie, take a catnap, sing...just do something you enjoy and that makes you feel good. Once a day - it's just what the doctor ordered.

DON'T BE AFRAID TO EMBRACE YOUR WILDEST PASSIONS

Go to beauty school, make the movie you've always wanted to make about body image, spend 2 years at LLAMDA, get off your ass and DO something about not having ur driver's liscence, teach, go on auditions, direct even though it scares you, bartend because you know you want to, screw people who say waiting tables sucks do it because you love people, go to law school even if you think you're not smart enough or because you don't neccesarily want to be a lawyer, design clothing, drive a bus, DANCE...

You have so many different passions, and as this year has evidenced clearly, even if you're not sure you want to do it, the experience of doing it - even for a little while - can change. your. life.

This summer is officially the SUMMER OF SELF-LOVE. And after this year, I'm pretty sure I have the tools to finally work that LIKE. NO. OTHER!



"...if the big picture is rocking you, Holland, why make a fuss over a few splots? Splots is now a word. Literally, as in now now." - The Universe