A Crab Golfin'

"All right. The panic receeds. All right. Everyone bleeds...and nobody needs to know." - The Last Five Years

"And he're I stand. Yes indeed. And there is no way I would rather be...Oh it may be weary but it's less of climb if I just take life one step at a time and maybe later I can dance with band but here I stand. Yes here I stand. And if you need a helping hand; here I stand! Here I stand!" - Anita Hollander

Did you know that the letters within "African Blog" can create the anagram, "A Crab Golfin?" I like it.

So, we got here a bout two weeks ago and I've got MAD much to catch you up on. I've been keeping a journal, so here we go:

1/17/10
"Dialogue should (seek to) create and enhance Value both Globally and Interpersonally" -Holland Hamilton

This is my travel journal. I'm going to try to take it around with me so I can write down things to remember. Tomorrow we go to Soweto. I think now is a good time to answer these questions from CGE's manual.

WHY AM I TAKING THIS JOURNEY?

God, people kept asking me this over and over and over and over until I didn't know what to say anymore. I feel a connection to africa. I believe marginalized people should help fellow marginalized individuals. I believe human beings should care for every other human as they would a family member and my feeling os wanting to help has pushed me to this area of the world. I want to find a way to make peace: one person at a time.

NOTE FROM THE PRESENT (Feb 1st, 2010): We learned from our stay in Johannesburg the term UBUNTU means "I am a human being because of other human beings." It's almost exactly what I had written this first day.

WHAT AM I ANTICIPATING MOST ABOUT THIS PROGRAM?

Learning from the source, learnign more about myself, loving myself more so I can share the Love with others, finding ways to communicate better, finding way to bring peace.

1/18/10

Can't sleep. Gonna write some more. Happy MLK day!

WHAT ARE MY FEARS ABOUT THE UPCOMING SEMESTER?
Well, as always, I'm afraid I won't make any friends. I fear mugging and street crime will keep me from feeling safe and confident. I fear I may become ull. I don't want to give too much power to these things though, because then I fear they may happen!

WHAT ARE MY KEY QUESTIONS?

How can I help? What's the best way to help? How can I use whast I learn here in my theater world?

How can I become a more confident me while I'm here?

What are some of the main conflicts going on right now in SA? What solutions are being formed/put into place?

WHEN DID I HAVE AN EXPERIENCE IN THE PAST WHEN I TOOK A SIMILAR JOURNEY?

Well, Prague was similar, but only because it was my first study away program. I think this semester is a little different because SA, particularly Soweto,mean a lot to me. I suppose Israel was most similar. I went to have a spiritual awakening and I came back with a broader view on the conflict there.

WHAT WAS THE EFFECT OF THAT EXPERIENCE ON MY LIFE?

Prague completely changed me. I feel like I became more independent, more confident, more forgiving of others and especially more forgiving of myself.

WHAT DOES THAT EXPERIENCE TELL ME ABOUT PREPARING FOR AND EXPERIENCING THE UPCOMING SEMESTER?

Open mind, open hear, city streets...my dad said as I left. I want to keep myself open, both emotionally and mentally, to what occurs and what I hear/see/taste/smell/feel. I also want to keep in mind my 'city background and know what something feels too sketchy, too uncomfy and ultimately, too unsafe.

1/21/10

WHAT CHARACTERISTICS ABOUT ME WILL HELP ME MAKE THE MOST OF THIS NEW EXPERIENCE?

I'm honest, patient, outgoing (mostly), happy (positive), helpful, and joyful. My most important characteristic is Joy. I spread Joy. Chava Br'cha.

WHAT ARE MY HOPES FOR THE WORLD?

Kind of a kitchy question, but I have a kitchy answer. I really do want peace. I want everyone to share in a common desire to Love one another unconditionally because we only have so much time here. Why waste it hating people?

WHO ARE SOME OF THE PEOPLE IO WISH COULD ACCOMPANY MYE ON THIS PROGRAM? HAVE I TOLD THEM? WHAT ARE SOME OF THE WAYS THEY CAN ACCOMPANY ME?

Laura, Kia, Heather, Kyla, mom, dad, Sam, Mina, Julia, Hope, Dan, Shey, KYLE. And yes, I've told them I wanna pack them all in my suitcase. But I really think this journey is for me and knowing they're out there supporting me every step of the way makes me feel like they're here with me. Updating them also helps: writing what reminded me of them helps!

HOW CAN SOME OF THE STUDENTS WITH WHOM I WILL BE TRAVELING BE HELPFUL TO ME THIS SEMESTER?

I have a lot to learn when it comes to friendships and jealousy. I would say "bring it on,"but I don't want to break down. I think the way they can help me is by pushing a little and then letting me breath, pushing a little then let me breath.

This doesn't seem realistic, but I hope that I can find opportunities in others and work thru the things that bother me while asking others for the help that I need *sigh*