“You can’t take enough pictures and
you can’t write enough words and
you can’t get enough facebook friends to fight the fact that it’s over.
To combat the sadness that it’s over.” – Holland
“Here’s my advice to you…keep taking deep breaths and know that it IS going to be okay.” – Heather H.
June 1, 2010
Around midnite, Alaskan Time
Okay, here it comes kids. The Big Bad Entry about Missing.
Not adjective, not the state of being. The act of - the verb of - missing the nouns: people, places and things.
Usually, when I leave somewhere that’s not home, I don’t feel this ache, this desperate desire to run back. I’m not sure why it was AK. I mean, the timing is tough because I traveled up here at the end of a HUGE year. A year full of self-growth and all that that entails. I haven’t been home for a full month in about a year and all I can think on this plane is…I don’t wanna go home. I don’t wanna end this journey.
I can already hear that voice from inside the depths of my soul saying, “this journey is SO not over. Oh my Goddess, it’s SO just beginning.” Yeah, I know. But for one chapter to start, the older one has to end.
This chapter has been uproarious and also difficult. It’s pushed and pulled at everything I thought I was and also things I still am. It’s made me think. And rethink. And dismantle. And rethink again on my future as a part o the human population, as a girl really beginning to become an adult.
I Loved Alaska. I really did. The only reason I became sad there at times was because I couldn’t believe how immensely fortunate I was to be there, spending time with two amazing women.
For the first time in my entire life, I saw a city, or rather a town-like City, that I felt I could actually live in besides New York City, besides Manhattan, besides midtown.
For the first time I realized what it means to be mature beyond my years – hanging out with people in their 30s and 40s felt so easy and natural to me.
I’m missing AK.
I’m missing Africa.
I’m missing Prague.
I’m missing endless freedom and possibilities. I’m missing independence.
I’m Missing.
“Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll still land among the stars.” - Unknown
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and now you begin to understand the tale i have told you time and again of my "leaving" somewhere, especially ireland. it is the conscious decision, the choice if you will, to do this instead of that....and that becomes, ultimately, what we like to call our journey...and it will begin, and end again, and again. in that i see beauty and i feel love, in that change and process i become a person.
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yer father